I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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