im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
