I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
