Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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