do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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