That's when you crack a 10am beer
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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