Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
