so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
