Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
