apparently the secret to your success is patron
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
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