Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
