Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
