Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
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I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
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Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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