I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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