Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Fuck appropriateness.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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