White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
