erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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