Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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