every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
