MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
