I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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