Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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