whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
