Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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