who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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