you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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