when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober January is a disaster.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize