He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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