Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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