He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
