I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
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