I'm jealous of your bromance
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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