I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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