I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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