Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
