Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
