At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
