You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
