After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
