if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize