I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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