Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
