I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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