"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
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i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
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It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
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