Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
