You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
