I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
