We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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