When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
