not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
