It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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