i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
