is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
