And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
