I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
