The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
