I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
