god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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