Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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