there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
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My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
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Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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