you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
