How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize