i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
