I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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