I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
