maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
