just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
