i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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