I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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