You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
