I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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