He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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